4 things that will happen if Chiwetalu Agu becomes president

Its election year, the country will once again choose those that will lead and steer the affairs of this nation to greater heights for the next four years. Come February 16th and March we will all troop out to cast and make it count as we select the next President and House of Assembly member as well as Governors.

Some of our celebrities are contesting for public office, they too want to make a difference and serve selflessly. One man has stayed far away from politics as possible, Chiwetalu Agu. The veteran Nollywood actor has brought us joy over the years and he’s one of the founding fathers of the industry. What If Chiwetalu Agu were to be president of the Federal Republic of Nigeria? Let’s look at 4 things that will happen if he takes the seat.

1) Public speeches and interviews will be lit: Imagine Chiwetalu addressing the nation, or giving a speech at the United Nations- it will be humorous. Remember he has a knack for inventing catchy, unique and witty clichés, we can just picture him saying Akwanife- Akwanarom or Ikputunteje (Igbos please interpret). Patience Jonathan got nothing on this dude; it’ll fun fun for media houses as they’ll have more than enough content to put out.

2) Corruption will cease: Yes you read right. Chiwetalu is also known to play to the wicked uncle who kills his brother and takes the properties. Under his leadership, there will be zero tolerance for corruption because all the money belongs to him. Anyone that tries to steal from him will meet him/herself either in the evil forest, run mad or six feet below. So no one will dare take a bribe, or at least if they do they’ll be doing it on his behalf. Hehehehe

3) Our youths will know more about their culture: Agu is perhaps one of the very few thespians with a vast knowledge of African parables. He uses him so well in movies so much so that we must learn one or two parables in every film he features. Our youths can be rest assured that President Agu will teach them the ways of their forefathers, starting first with wise sayings. “He who goes to bed with itchy anus must wake up with smelly fingers”.

4) Meaningful Political Appointments: Imagine Pete Edochie as Minister for Traditional and Customs Affairs? Kanayo O. Kanayo as special adviser on how to stop ritual killings and yahoo plus, Patience Ozokwor as Permanent Secretary- Ministry of reformed mothers-in-law? These are areas that will witness significant progress given the calibre of people in charge all thanks to President Agu.

It is worthy of note that this is one man that knows how to party. As president, there’ll always be a steady supply of palm wine and fresh bush meat in the house, his colleagues will definitely have free access to come to dine with him and also discuss national issues while listening to the likes of Osadebe and young bloods like Phyno and Zoro. What do you guys think?


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Ose is a cartoon enthusiast sugar junkie. He loves to travel, make new friends and he never gets tired of spaghetti and plantain.

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